I do not share how I found out my son has autism very often. Perhaps because it brings back some of the feelings I had at the time of his diagnosis. I know it is not a sentiment parents with special needs kids often share, not if I must be honest, and I insist I must, I do have days when I wish he was “normal”. I air-quote normal because I have come to understand and adopt a new definition of normal and what society deems normal since his diagnosis. 

Derek is only a year and three months younger than Drake, this fact helped me notice the lack of milestones almost immediately in Derek. I know as parents we are not supposed to compare our children to one another, but sometimes, like in this example, it could be helpful. I noticed things like the lack of eye contact, he didn’t sit or crawl or walk at the same time as the two boys I had before him. But perhaps in my unconscious denial, I didn’t think much of it, I thought, he was just a late bloomer. One day, when Derek was about a two and half, his father, whom I had a turbulent relationship with at the time, mentioned a television show he saw where they talked about autism. At this point in my life, I knew nothing about autism, the signs, or how it is diagnosed. He suggested we have Derek tested. I still remember the feeling I had when he said that, I took it out on him, I was in denial! No! Not my kid! But eventually, he calmed me down and I immediately started doing research, and before we even had the diagnosis, I cried, I just knew. 

We took Derek to his pediatrician and once he did the initial evaluation, we were referred to the Nevada Early Intervention Services. There we were informed that official diagnosis can’t technically be done until the age of three, but they ran the tests anyway. It was about half a day of Derek and me there, me answering question after question regarding very specific details of his developmental skills. Does he have good eye contact? Nope, never looked at me, not even when I was nursing him. Talk about a heartbreaker, this was the bonding time for me and my two other boys, but Derek and I never had that. Has he said any words?, another NOPE. The more questions they asked, the more it prepared me for when it was time to finally hear the official diagnosis, of autism. I don’t think anything I had experienced in my life up to that point could have prepared me for what was to come. The official diagnosis meant, therapy.

Get your pen and paper out (or electronic device for the tech-savvy mamas), ready? Ok. Therapy meant so much more than I could have imagined. I know this will not necessarily apply to every child, but perhaps if you are here wondering about therapy, this can be of use to you. Because of Derek’s specific developmental delays, the recommendations started, with no particular order, with Applied Behavior Analysis known in the autism community as ABA, occupational therapy, speech therapy, play therapy, sensory integration, and a specialized dentist. I know these probably don’t seem like a lot, but each one of these options came with so much new terminology that I was overwhelmed initially. 

Derek is now 12 and the journey continues, he still does not speak and still has some other developmental delays, but therapy has made a HUGE difference. In my other post (insert here) I go into detail about each therapy, what they consist of, why my son needed it and the benefits I have seen, go check it out. If you have questions about Derek and I’s specific journey, leave a comment, I would love to hear from you, your journey, and help out in any way I can.

Sending you lots of love, I know this journey is not for the faint of heart.

XO,

Diana